Lovin these summer evenings

I'm so happy for this sunny, warm week!  It's a much needed breath of fresh air after this crazy rainy month!  We've been staying outside for long periods of time and very late in the evenings.  The kids are content to ride bikes, wrestle, play tag, help us in the yard while Frankie and I work in our garden, mow, plant flowers and sit on the porch.  I LOVE summer!

One thing I really love about summer is grilling.  I can't wait to grill chicken, steak, burgers, veggies, potatoes, peaches, pizza, tomatoes, pork chops and lots more yummy food :)

My THM journey is at a stall.  I have to admit to too many slip ups but I have a plan to get back on plan.  I ordered TTapp, which is a quick efficient exercise program that I am hoping will help me lose inches.  I measured myself today and will do so once a week for four weeks to see how I do.  I'm also putting my scale away for a month.  I don't need the mental anguish it brings me.  Does it really matter that I know I have 70+ lbs to lose?  I want my clothes to be an indicator of my success.  Also with church camp coming up in two weeks, it's pointless to weigh before or after.  It's a week of junk food.  I will do the best I can and bring things but I know it will be hard to be 100% committed.  So I'm going to allow myself some grace!  After church camp will be a complete detox week to get myself back on track. 

It's all good.  I am on a journey and recognizing that there will be periods that will be harder than other times is what will make my journey successful!

Have a blessed week.

Rain

Childhood innocence is a beautiful thing.  It has been raining like crazy for the past few weeks and frankly, I am sick of it.  I can't get my vegetables planted because the ground is just muck.  So today it decided to rain again (big shocker there).  We were all standing in the garage watching it start to sprinkle.  I told the kids they could ride their bikes as long as it just rained and didn't thunder or lighting.  They hesitantly rode out on the driveway, giggling and hunching down as the onslaught of rain grew stronger.  As they rode and realized this was fun, the bike paddles went faster.  They eventually abandoned the bikes and decided to just run through the grass and puddles.  The pure joy and laughter was such a blessing to see.  They ran, zigzagged, lunged, jumped, shrieked, screamed, laughed and had a blast.  At one point Lexie just stood with her arms outstretched with her face to the sky totally absorbed in the moment.  It was a precious thing to witness.  I realized that at one time in my life, I was that same little girl with my face turned to heaven as the water ran down my face as I reveled in a rainstorm.  It was a full circle moment.  After that, I was immediately thankful for the rain and the happiness it brought my children.  Our heavenly Father knows exactly what we need.  It's the simple things that matter the most in life!

Will I ever reach my goal?

Losing weight is hard!  I finally had someone tell me the other day, "You are looking great!"  I have been stuck at the same weight for a month.  With my hormone challenges, pcos and endometriosis, getting this weight off is going to be a long, slow process.  I am trying not to get discouraged when other women on the THM boards have lost twice as much as me in the same amount of time.  God makes us all unique and I know that it will come off eventually.

Here's my menu for today:

B- Coffee with cream and stevia, 2 pieces of sausage ( I got busy and forgot eggs lol!)
Sn- Fat Stripping Frappe
L- Spaghetti made with dreamfields pasta
sn- ginger lime water, coconut/lime pudding
D- Baked pork chops, kale chips, Greek salad
Desert- Skinny Chocolate

For exercise today I am going to walk and work in the garden.  I've also been chasing a toddler and 3 year old all day that I babysit.  That has GOT to burn some calories!!

Have a blessed day!

The Longing to be a Mama

I remember years ago when my husband and I were trying so hard to concieve and each year I had to endure the dreaded holiday:  Mother's Day.  Oh how I couldn't wait for that day to be over.  Our church has a tradition that the mom with the most kids present gets a gift and the oldest and the youngest mom get a gift and are recognized.  That was only three people so it wasn't so bad.  I remember one year very distinctly.  We had been trying to have a baby through countless rounds of fertility treatments and I was especially touchy on this particular Mother's Day.  It seemed like a year when there was a ton of new babies at church and motherhood was being celebrated everywhere.  Everywhere except my house.

To think that only three people would be recognized at Mother's Day was not too bad, until they also asked every mother to stand up and be recognized.  I felt sick and my heart sunk as row after row of women stood up.  I sat there mutely and like a stone.  I didn't dare glance around.  But I knew I was one of the very, very few women still seated.  I felt hot from the embarrassment that I was sitting and not standing.  I felt so ashamed.  If that wasn't bad enough to sit there, the applause started.  Endless clapping as I fought back tears for the very thing my heart desired: motherhood.  That elusive club that I longed to belong to.  I had to sit there and clap and put on a happy face and pretend all was right with the world.  You see, infertility is not talked about.  Everyone knew I was trying to have a baby, but no one really understood what I was going through.  Until you have faced infertility, you don't have a clue what it's like to long for a baby so hard it hurts.  It's a physical, mental and spiritual anguish.  To know that your body just can't do what millions of women do every day is gut wrenching.

 I'm so thankful that God has bottled all my tears over the years and heard my heart and listened to my pleas.  Because He did make me a mother.  Just not in the way I intended.  He heard my hearts desire to be a mother and he brought me and my husband two of the greatest kids ever.  Through adoption I get to stand up every Mother's Day and be recognized.  I get to have hugs and kisses every day, get the privilege of raising two wonderful kids.  Infertility still hurts immensely at times but to only focus on that would be to say I don't have faith in the Lord. To only focus on my infertility would mean I'm not thankful for my blessings!  God knows what I needed more than I do.  If I say that I trust Him and love Him, shouldn't I rest in His promises and know that He has it under control?  There is a reason I haven't conceived and may never.  One day I will know.  But for now I am busy raising a family that God weaved together with his own hands!

Weary

It's been a dreary, weary week.  The weather has been awful here in TN.  Rain, rain and more rain.  For the past 3 weekends, it has rained.  And not just a little rain, MAJOR rain!  So much rain that my flower beds are swampy.  I haven't been able to plant much in my garden and that is driving me crazy.  At times like this, I have to admit I get weak in spirit.  My diet has been off this week, my sleep and my attitude have all been affected from this never-ending rain.  Being inside so much makes me want to eat more.  *sigh*

I told ya it's been a weary week.

This is when staying on plan and continuing my weight loss journey is HARD.   I get overwhelmed with how much I still need to lose and just want to eat a stinking donut already!  When I think I'll still be trying to lose weight next May, I just want to cry. 

But what's the other alternative?  Being obese the rest of my life is no longer on my TO DO list.  I desire different things now so each and every day this week I have had to talk myself off the ledge, committ to staying on track 85% of the time and forgive myself for slip-ups.  I'll have a better attitude tomorrow :)  As soon as the SON shines, it's all good!

Do you have SON shine in your life mama?