Talking Myself off the Ledge

You know what I'm talking about.  That mental conversation we women have with ourselves every.single.day.  You see something in the store and you really want it so you have this conversation with yourself.  "I really want this."  "Yeah, but you haven't gotten groceries yet and money is tight this week."  "Yes, but I have plenty of stuff in the freezer and I can rearrange my menu and squeeze the 20 bucks I need to get this."  "Ok, but do you want all of your meals to be deer meat and pork, because that's what's in there."  hmmmm... of course I know that I will at that point tell my inner self no, so I can spend that 20 dollars on different meats for us to eat that week.

Here is a mental conversation I had with myself at Wal-Mart just yesterday.  I rarely buy donuts and as we were getting some fruits, my son looked at me and said, "Momma, can we have a donut, please?"  How can I tell that sweet little face no.  So the conversation I had with my head was, "Don't be such a mean mom!"  "But I don't need the temptation that that donut will bring."  "But your son, needs the calories, he's a bean pole."  "But even going over in that direction could unleash an uncontrollable monster who can't resist the chocolate covered eclairs."  "You're MEAN!"  "Yeah, I may be mean but I'm fighting for my health and I know one day I will eat a dang donut, but it's not gonna be today, so THERE!"

So I offered my son a yummy popsicle when we got home, he was satisfied and I was too as I ate my skinny chocolate later.   It's all about perspective and keeping it real with myself this week.  I've had to talk myself off the ledge more than once this week as temptation has reared its ugly head.  But for this week at least, I've been able to resist getting off track.  I'm thankful for that!

Momentum

I have a dream.  It's actually a life-long dream.  I want to one day run a 1/2 marathon.  I am by no means a runner.  I don't even jog.  The thing I do would be called a wog, which is half fast walk/shuffle jog!  It's quite embarrassing but it is what it is I guess.  Anyway, back to my dream.

Here's my vision.  It's a cool brisk morning as I get up in anticipation of race day.  I have breakfast, put on my race gear, warm my body up and head to the start.  I'm in a crowd of huge proportions.  See, if I ever make it to a race like this I want to get lost in a big crowd.  I want to just be "one" of the racers.  I feel the excitement of the moment.  People are chattering all around me.  Time stops for a second as I breathe in.  Then the sound of the horn.  Slowly people start running.  I join the throng.  As I move one foot in front of the other, I start to find a rhythm.  My muscles are getting warmed up and I am feeling good. 

Sounds like a good dream doesn't it?  I was raised to believe in dreams.  My parents taught me the value of hope.  Without it, we have nothing to live for.  What a sad state I would be in with out it.  In order to make my dreams a reality, I have to fight for my health.  Every. Single. Day.  I had a lot of momentum when I started my Trim Healthy Mama plan around Christmas.  I was on fire, loving the book, trying lots of recipes and having measurable success, feeling just like I would imagine feeling if I ever make it to that marathon.  Towards the end of January I got stuck.  Stuck at the same weight now for a month.  I have no one to blame but myself.  I feel like I am right in the middle of this race.  I am warmed up and have settled in, but now is where the true work begins.  Some things I have pondered on recently:

There is always going to be church dinner on Wednesday nights to deal with.  And the food is hardly ever low carb, gluten or sugar free.  It's up to me to fix something to bring for myself, instead of caving and living with the guilt.

There is always going to be family get-togethers where my mama thinks white flour and lard solves world problems.  It's up to me to bring something to share with everyone.

There is always going to be unexpected trips into town that turn into four hour trips with starving, whining children.  It's up to me to not stop at a drive through and have pre-planned snacks so I can just grab them and go.

Date nights are wonderful and dessert with my love should never be a guilt trip.  Practicing grace and forgiving myself are steps in the right direction.

You see, I am in a race right now.  A race I should have run years ago to reclaim my health.  Instead, I have let Satan whisper in my ear, "What's the use?"  "Go ahead, one more doughnut won't hurt you."  "You can't have children anyway, so why do you need to lose weight."  

Thank goodness for a loving Savior who despite all my shortcomings, loves me anyway.  I am worth the fight.  I deserve a healthy, strong body.  I deserve to run that race if I so choose to.  It's time I start acting like I deserve it!  So there, now that I have gotten that off my chest, here's what I had today to eat.

B:  apple cinnamon greek yogurt with smidgeon of walnuts- E
Sn: turkey roll-ups - FP
L: creamy cream-less angel hair cabbage and broccoli with 3 oz chicken breast- FP
Sn: lemon mousse pudding with squirt of ready whip
D:  Zuppa Toscano soup minus the potatoes, extra kale -S
Desert will probably be more lemon mousse, I love that stuff!

Have a blessed week!

Let the exercising begin!

It looks like my posts are getting fewer each week.  But I promise I am still eating the THM way!  I have had setbacks and been gaining and losing the same 2-3 lbs for 3 weeks.  Before I would have already given up and already gained back 10 pounds or more, but I am DETERMINED to win this war.  This is a battle to overcome, that's all!   I have joined several facebook groups for THM.  One group is the Turtles group which is for slow losers (which I am), another group is the fluffy THM group (for people that need to lose over 50 lbs) and then the general facebook group.  I feel like I need an intervention lol!  Hello, my name is McKinsey and I am addicted to all things THM!!!

I am slowly adding in more exercise.  I have learned that I am not ready for serious exercise.  With so much extra weight on my body, I'm doing good to get cardio, walking or a little resistance band work in.  I am not trying to kill myself and my poor body had two solid weeks of soreness from trying to do too much.  I'm fine being a little sore but when you can't even sit in a chair for grimacing in pain and yelping a little, that crosses the line for me :)

Currently I am planning my garden for spring planting and will make a seed order soon.  I love fresh veggies out of the garden!  I will definitely be growing some earth milk veggies and herbs this summer, yum!

Have a blessed week!  I'm hoping to post a loss for this week.  Fingers crossed!

My first Compliment

So this week has been pretty good!  We have had a great Valentines day.  I made the kids heart shaped Trim Healthy Pancakes.  Here's a picture of them.

The kids loved them so much. I have stayed very much on plan all week. I weighed this morning and was actually up three pounds from last time I weighed. I feel like I'm getting slimmer so it's really weird. A friend stopped by this afternoon and said it was starting to be noticeable that I am losing. That made me feel so good and was a boost I needed. We had pinto beans and cornbread for supper so I guess that was crossover. I also ate a few pieces of chocolate that my sweet husband bought me. It's a tradition and something we do every year so I enjoyed them and will be back on track tomorrow with fried eggs and bacon, yum!

We had fun doing lots of valentine activities today!

Settling in for a long haul

In my last post, I was really overwhelmed at some decisions I needed to make and some bad choices I had made food wise.  So here's what I can tell you:  I am still undecided about working and I have made lots of bad choices this past weekend food-wise.  Here's what I am going to do about it.

The decision to work is one that I know I need to make, but one that I really dread.  I want to be like a toddler and throw myself in the floor and scream and cry and beg God to give me what I want.  But that's my flesh talking and I just need to put my big girl panties on and deal with it.  How loving my God is to me.  Just yesterday when I was sitting in church and everyone was worshipping and praising the Lord, I was met with such peace in my heart that everything was going to be ok.  The bible says, "he careth for thee."  How I love my Savior!  I will probably get a job.  It will probably be in the evenings.  I'll miss out on some stuff.  I have a wonderful husband that will fill in.  Maybe the kids will appreciate me more :)  It will be OK!  I think I have been so resistant to change because the unknown is scary and I am very comfortable in my role as homemaker.  But I had a career at one time (eons ago it seems).  I can do it!  I'm not looking for a career at this time, but helping my hard working husband pay some bills is something  I can do. 

Moving on.

Let's get to the nitty gritty of my eating plan.  I absolutely love eating the Trim Healthy Mama way!  I know it is best for me.  The thing I have to figure out and I will, is that when I have other things come up suddenly that I'm not prepared for (like two birthday parties within 3 hours of each other), it's very hard to stay on track.  The two birthday parties I attended this weekend had NOTHING at all that was THM friendly.  I wasn't at home all day so I couldn't prepare ahead of time.  Failure to plan is a plan to fail.  I ate cake and white bread (eeeek!).  Sunday I felt yucky and completely forgot to eat breakfast.  My husband was sick so between caring for him, getting me and the kids ready and barely getting to church before it started, I realized I had only had coffee for breakfast!  I think I ate about six pieces of gum during service lol!  I was so hungry.  Thankfully I had put on a boston butt in the crock pot late Saturday night so came home and shredded it for BBQ.  I was hungry with in an hour of eating.  I think I snacked all day long and was still hungry when I went to bed.  Lesson learned:  Always eat breakfast!  It sets up the rest of your day. 

My exercise has been blah this past week.  I started out strong and did kettle bells on Monday, but honestly I was so sore for 4 days that I have been hesitant to do them again.  It's going to be 54 tomorrow, I think the kids and I will go for a nice long nature walk.  I liked doing the kettle bells, but maybe I am doing too much or am not quite ready for them.  Nothing should make you that sore.  Unless it's the SPEW workout.  After living through that one, I'm not anxious to revisit! 

I pray that your week is blessed and that you find comfort in the Comforter!

Where the rubber meets the road

Life throws some curve balls and boy has this week been one big one!  I'm facing going back to work to help us out on some major financial difficulties we are experiencing right now.  It is so not what I want to do.  But I can not justify staying home while we struggle so much financially.  I have a college degree and was a public school teacher in another lifetime before becoming a momma and staying home.  My hearts desire is to home school and we will just have to work our life around that goal.  I'm looking at maybe getting a night job so I can continue to school during the day.  Another option would be to babysit but I'm hesitant about that because I don't like being tied to the house.  My kids need to get out and go see friends, visit the library, etc...    'sigh', I can't get peace about any of it right now. 

I stress ate today, twice.  It's stressing me out to think about the junk I ate today.  I will pay for it tonight when I toss and turn from eating sugar.  And then I'll pay for it tomorrow when I feel hungover from wheat.  Honestly none of the food I ate was that great.  It's times like this when the enemy loves to whisper in my ear of what a failure I am.  But I won't listen.  I feel like I am at a crossroads.  I'm at the two month mark of eating this way and most diets I have attempted before, I am done about this time.  Life is about choices.  I've made so many bad choices in the way I eat and take care of my body.  I'm not willing to compromise any more.  My life depends on me staying on the right track.  I know that if I remain overweight and unhealthy, it's only a matter of time before disease and possibly cancer hit my future.  It's a sobering thought.  I really need to "gird up my loins" and prepare for battle!  My pastor says, "this is where the rubber meets the road", meaning, it's time to be serious.  Serious about my health,  my weight and my attitude.

Back on Track Monday

Getting away this weekend was so good for my soul.  As a full time stay at home momma who also home schools, my house can get on my nerves after awhile.  Living on one income is challenging.  Not always having money to do things is frustrating at times.  But the joy of being with my loves and helping to shape them into great people is a blessing that I don't take for granted.  But it is so nice to get away whenever we can.  Especially in the winter.  Escaping the doldrums of day in and day out routines is so refreshing.

I would like to say I did perfectly on my weekend, but I can't.   I did plan well, brought lots of THM food and hoped for the best.  What I didn't plan for is unexpected stops (five guys burger and fries) and a super bowl party at my moms.  Overall I think it was a successful weekend.  I brought lots of yummies (you can see it in my previous post), but most of it was S foods.  My tummy was hurting from all the fat laden foods.  I was literally craving a salad by Sunday.  It was a good trial run and I will be better prepared next time.  I ate bread this weekend and fries and totally ate off plan for 3 meals.  I felt puffy and achy from the wheat.  You know what I did this morning?  Got right back on track!  That is something I would have NEVER have done before.  I would have thought, "what's the use?"  I now see THM as a lifestyle, not a quick fix.  I have been heavy my whole adult life.  I expect it will take well over a year, maybe two to get this weight off.  I WILL do it.  One pound at a time! 

This morning I had my coffee with cream, and a Fat strippin frappe.  I ate a hard boiled egg after my workout.  I am officially in love with kettle bells.  They are stinkin hard! But I know it is effective.  I did one round of this workout (it was all I could do and my legs are like jello!)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6pDMOIlPLFE

I plan on drinking at least 2 if not 3 quarts of water today to flush out my body.  I feel so good drinking lots of water.

Lunch will be spicy Asian stir fry with chicken- fuel pull
Dinner will be baked pork chops, broccoli with butter and a big salad- S
Snacks will be nuts or a cheese stick

Happy Monday Fabulous Mommas!

Weekend Getaway

We planned a weekend getaway with the kids. We came to a fun place in Tennessee called pigeon forge. It's a touristy town but we love to come whenever we get a chance. We got a great room rate (45 a night) at a hotel that is independently owned. It has an indoor pool and free breakfast. A great thing with two young kids who eat a ton of food. Not so good for a trim healthy mama! The free breakfast consists of: biscuit, gravy, toast, bagels, cereal, oatmeal, fruit, muffins and all the juice, milk and coffee you can drink. What's a mama to do? Knowing that I had a mini fridge and microwave in my room, I packed some stuff to bring that is THM friendly. I brought some light white muffins with blueberries, homemade spicy pepperoni and raw cheese, nuts, Greek yogurt with all fruit jelly, peanut butter/apples, earthmilk, skinny chocolate, gluten free crackers/laughing cow cheese wedges, hardboiled eggs, heavy cream for coffee, just like Campbell's tomato soup, tons of water and a few other things. It's a S heavy menu but it's better than nothing. Here's some pics:

I will say that we took the kids to a dinner show and I did plan it for a cheat meal. We ate pork tenderloin, chicken, rolls, cranberry dressing, green beans, mac and cheese and berry cobbler for dessert. I ate it all except the cobbler. It was extremely sweet and thick. I didn't care for it at all. But the meal was delicious and I ate it guilt free. We took the kids swimming when we got back so I did get some cardio in! I was starving this morning so I enjoyed some muffins with coffee. I'm going to do my best for the rest of the day and tomorrow. I don't expect a loss but will be happy with no gain either. I'm learning its all about balance, plan as much as you can and just enjoy living!