A busy season

I'm learning on this life journey that there are busy times and slow times.  This is a busy season in  my life.  I was looking forward to beginning a new school year at the first of August knowing that this forces me to slow down and not commit to so many outside activities and focus on educating my children.  Somehow, my brain did not get the memo and I am still going full force.  We went camping for a week in August, I started working part time in the evenings, my sister got married, of which I was in charge of decorating, my husband has been so busy that we've not had a date night in months, I am one of the leaders at our homeschool co-op which meets weekly and I am teaching 3 classes that I have to prepare for each week.

I need a vacation.

Oh wait, I am going to Disney World in February, does that count?

Where does this leave me on my diet?  I'm still plugging along with Trim Healthy Mama 85% of the time.  I am exercising regularly and am happy about that, but I'm ready to focus on losing more weight.  My periods are starting to be more regular, thanks to vitex and I haven't had any endo flare ups in a while.  That is worth sticking to gluten free and sugar free as much as I can. 

Getting a part time job was necessary right now for financial reasons and to help save for our Disney trip.  It has been hard to maneuver because I don't get to see my husband in the evenings and we don't get to sit down to dinner together so I don't know how long I will work as right now my husband isn't happy.  I told him I wanted to work until we go on vacation.  We will see.  Mommas roles are so important to a healthy balance in the house.  I don't know how families have two working parents, kids in school and do sports and clubs.  I cherish my time with my family and I know everyone is different.  I'm just so thankful I can stay home and be with my family as much as I am. 

 I know that seasons come and go, this isn't forever and all will be well soon!  God has been so good to me, blessed me with beautiful children and a wonderful husband.  It's all good :)

Endo flare up

     The other day hubster and I picked about 7 gallons of tame blackberries at a friends house.  We came home and got busy getting them squished and juiced for jelly.  We sent the kids on to church and work for a few hours.  By this point we were starving so we took a break and went to town to get some supper.  We mutually agreed on pizza.

    Can I just say that out of any meal I am gonna cheat on, it'll be with pizza.  I LOVE it!  Give me gooey, cheesy, meaty yumminess and I will eat more than I should every time.  We called and got the special of the day.  Little did we know it came with cini-stix.  Which are equally sinful and yummy.   Since it was just us, we ate every single bite.  I totally knew I was blowing my diet for this one meal and knew I would get right back on track, but I wasn't prepared for how horrible I would feel the next day. 

     As I am learning more about endometriosis, I know that wheat and sugar can trigger flare-ups.  Well, I had both that day and it set me up for three days of pain.  I was not a happy camper.  As I was telling mom about it, she said, "Was it worth it?"  Of course it was NOT!!!  But breaking addictions to sugar and carbs is very, very hard.  I want to be healed and well.  I hate that my body is infertile and that simply eating pizza reminds me of how much healing my body needs to do.  I wish that I could eat what I want and be a normal size.  I know that I am taking the right steps to get me where I want to be, I just wish it would happen yesterday!!!

     Here's what I do know:  God is good.  I am relatively healthy, my children and husband are well.  I love my life and wouldn't change anything about it, except my health.  I am making strides to fix that too!  I will get there, eventually.

And what a happy day that will be!

Crazy Days need extra planning!

It was a crazy day at my house.  My little boy came that I babysit and then I had to get a lunch packed for our home school co-op play date at the park.  I made the kids a sandwich then I had to think about my lunch.  Mine usually takes more prep because I am not eating bread.  I was so hungry this morning.  I tried a new recipe.  I made an orange creamsicle protein shake.  I used almond milk, ice, protein powder, stevia and 3 drops of orange essential oil.  It was yummy but I realized that I'm not a sweet eater for breakfast.  Two drops would have been enough. So I ate it and it was filling but  I really love some sausage and eggs or a muffin in a mug for breakfast.  I'm a true blue country gal! I ended up having some skinny chocolate and then later had some leftover devilled eggs for a snack (I know, weird right?)

Anyway back to my lunch.  I prepped beef salami, cheese, fresh cucumbers and peppers from the garden, strawberries and pecans.  I finished packing the kids lunch, filled water bottles, found raincoats, loaded the recyclables and out the door we went.  Then I realized I needed gas.  So after dropping off the plastic at the recycling center and getting gas, we were park bound.  It was a whirl wind day of group meeting, rounding up kids, feeding them, meeting some more, round up kids and then coming home. 

As soon as I got home, I sat down at the table to work on planning our new school year (which begins Monday), then hubby came home for 5 minutes and was back out the door to go to another job.  I then had to go pick up our weekly eggs, which again was rounding up the kids and heading out.  I drive 10 minutes to get 3 dozen eggs every week and they are the yummiest, best eggs ever!  You can't beat free range, organic eggs for 2.50 a dozen.  Worth every bit of effort.

After coming home, this was all I heard, "I'm starving, what's for supper?"  Thankfully I had thawed some deer tenderloin.  So I made my family some tenderloin, mashed potatoes, corn and sauteed zucchini in butter.  I ate tenderloin, zucchini and a small portion of mashed potatoes.  It had a been a long time since I've them and I had a yummy crossover meal with some ice cold milk. 

Shew!  I'm exhausted just typing all that out.  I'm glad everyday isn't like that or I'd be a basket case!  Now I'm off to watch a movie with hubby.  The kids are holed up in my room watching sleeping beauty.  Have a blessed week :)

Summer is finally here! Thank you Lord!

     It's been a crazy summer.  Rain was prolific at the end of June and early July.  We have finally had great and HOT weather this week.  We have been able to swim at my moms several times and it finally feels like summer!  Just when we are starting to enjoying it, we will begin our new homeschool year in a week.  Yikes!  I'm ready.  We have been off for about six weeks and it's time to get back in a groove.  I am finally back on track with my eating plan.  Coming off sugar completely was not fun, especially with my period coming this week.  My periods are the type that I am bed-ridden for a couple of days as my endometriosis flairs up.  Since I have been taking Vitex regularly, my periods are starting to even out.  I went from October-March with no period, then I had one in March, June and now July.  I think I may start to have them regularly if I keep up my Vitex routine.  I think exercising 3-5 times a week is helping as well.

     Tomorrow is homecoming at church.  Normally I plan to eat whatever I want at church dinners and deal with getting back on track the next day.  Tomorrow, I am planning on eating what I should and nothing else.  It's not worth the guilt and the physical pain from too much wheat and sugar that I will get by going off plan.  If I am going to cheat, it had better be an absolutely delicious meal. 

    Now that I'm back on track,  I'm calling it Round 2.  The first round was from January-May and I lost 23 lbs.  The last two months I have been off plan more than on, which resulted in gaining 5 lbs.  So this time around, I am planning on another 20 lbs by Christmas!  I will get this weight off me, even if it takes 3 years (which more than likely, it will). 

     I'm working on a post about adoption, but I'm not quite ready to post it.  Maybe in a week or two!

Am I sabotaging myself?

I've been doing THM for six months now.  I absolutely love eating gluten and sugar free.  I feel great when I stick with it.  But here lately, well two months to be exact, I have had the hardest time staying on plan.  I keep losing and gaining the same 5 lbs over and over and over.  It is frustrating to say the least.  I do well for a week or two and then BAM!  I go to a party, cook-out, church dinner, etc and get completely off track for a few days.  Then I get back on track and then WHAM!  I go on a date night and feel like treating myself and have a cheat meal and then the next morning feel horrible and eat off plan again and then it takes several days to get back on track again.

AM I PURPOSELY SABOTAGING MYSELF???

Some people have this insane ability that they can go to social functions and eat what they are supposed to and never have trouble and then lose 50 lbs in the same six months it has taken me to lose 20.

I would like to smack these people.  :)

Losing weight is HARD!  I have found a way that I am successful, I feel great, I am regaining my health, but I STILL am struggling.  There are times I have cried out to the Lord in frustration.  "Lord, am I going to be overweight for the rest of my life?"  "Why can't I stay on track?"  I am reminded that we live in a fallen world.  Life is not meant to be easy all the time.  I have an enemy who wants me to fail.  He would like me to stay in this frustrated state so that I am not useful to God.  I remind him that I have a Father who can!

I deserve to be healthy and happy.  I want to honor God and take care of the one body He gave me.  It's going to be a long, uphill battle to get this weight off me.  I WILL do it!  It won't be today, tomorrow or probably even by next spring, but I know that at some point in my future, I will be the Trim Healthy Mama that I want to be. 

28 day T-tapp challenge

I'm currently doing a 28 day T-tapp challenge.  I weighed, measured and took a photo in a snug outfit on Monday and in one month will redo that again to see if I have changed.  Putting on tight clothes and standing in front of the camera was NOT fun!  Who wants to look like a little fat sausage crammed in some clothes?  NOT ME.  But I really want to see if I can tell a difference after this challenge.  When I went to church camp a few weeks ago, I gained 8-10 lbs.  I knew most of it was water weight and well, just being 'full'.  I am happy that it came off in a week.  I sure wish I could lose 10 every week lol!  I'd be skinny by fall :)  I'm still about 4 lbs from where I was in May, so I am working toward that right now.  Of course, it does not help that I ate several chocolate chip cookies yesterday and this morning for breakfast.  Hey, what can I say, I'm human.  I had guests over for lunch and if I make it and it's staring me in the face, I'll eat it!  I think all my friends and family from now on will have to eat sugar free with me if I want to be successful.  I really have no willpower at all when it comes to yummy sugar-filled chocolate treats!  I need a 12 step program for sugar.  So I'm off to drink a quart of water now and exercise!

Church camp fun!

We had a blast at church camp, but boy was I glad to get home.  It was an exhausting week.  I don't do well with under 6 hours of sleep at night.  I was one grumpy mama by saturday.  Not to mention, my eating was waaaaay off and I gained 8 lbs!  I know most of it was water weight because I was very swollen and puffy, but I sure didn't like it and have been trying to get back on track all week.  I feel like today I will finally have  a full on Trim Healthy Mama successful day!  I refuse to weigh myself for the next several weeks because it just makes me want to eat when I don't get the results I want.  So I'm going to focus on eating right and getting my exercise in, whether it be T-Tapp, walking, swimming or gardening.  Here's some pics from our fun week:

My sister Sam and I

My sweet daughter!

Posing in the Lake!

Craft time

She is just like her momma :)

Having a blast on the water slides

She painted a birdhouse, but not the one in the background, ha ha!

He always makes faces.

So I decided to make a face when he wanted a serious shot!

He's like, "what the"  LOL!

Singing This little light of mine at church one night.  They had been swimming all day and the kids were wore out!

Sunbathing

Art time

Off to Church Camp I Go!

This week our family will be leaving for church camp.  Even my husband!  I'm so glad he gets to go with us.  It is hard on us financially when he misses a week of work, but the rewards far outweigh a paycheck in my opinion!  I consider this family time, fellowship time and growing in the Lord time.  I usually help with the teen girl class and teach one of the days.  My lesson this year will be on integrity.  I feel like this generation coming up lacks this so much.  What has happened to kids today?  No morals, manners, honor or integrity.  I pray that I can raise Lexie and Izaiah with fear and reverence to the Lord.  I will consider my job complete if they learn to love the Lord as much as I do! 

My Trim Healthy Mama journey is still plugging along.  I have been stalled for several weeks and my eating has been off, so I decided to try T-Tapp.  I ordered a starter set and did a 9 day boot camp.  Basically I did  the Basic Workout Plus DVD which takes 15 minutes every day for 9 days.  I measured before and after.  I lost almost 10 inches all over!  I was super excited.  3 inches came off my belly and another 3 came off my ribs.  I am an apple shape so anything off my tummy is a welcome departure :)  I will definitely continue with this program.  I like that it's short but I am sweating buckets by the time it's over.

Church camp will be challenging eating wise.  When you feed a big crowd, you buy cheap junk!  I will do the best I can and try to walk several times and drink as much water as I can.  I know that when I come home on Saturday, I will be ready for a few days of detox.  I will post some pictures this week if I can of what we are doing at camp.

Have a blessed week.

Lovin these summer evenings

I'm so happy for this sunny, warm week!  It's a much needed breath of fresh air after this crazy rainy month!  We've been staying outside for long periods of time and very late in the evenings.  The kids are content to ride bikes, wrestle, play tag, help us in the yard while Frankie and I work in our garden, mow, plant flowers and sit on the porch.  I LOVE summer!

One thing I really love about summer is grilling.  I can't wait to grill chicken, steak, burgers, veggies, potatoes, peaches, pizza, tomatoes, pork chops and lots more yummy food :)

My THM journey is at a stall.  I have to admit to too many slip ups but I have a plan to get back on plan.  I ordered TTapp, which is a quick efficient exercise program that I am hoping will help me lose inches.  I measured myself today and will do so once a week for four weeks to see how I do.  I'm also putting my scale away for a month.  I don't need the mental anguish it brings me.  Does it really matter that I know I have 70+ lbs to lose?  I want my clothes to be an indicator of my success.  Also with church camp coming up in two weeks, it's pointless to weigh before or after.  It's a week of junk food.  I will do the best I can and bring things but I know it will be hard to be 100% committed.  So I'm going to allow myself some grace!  After church camp will be a complete detox week to get myself back on track. 

It's all good.  I am on a journey and recognizing that there will be periods that will be harder than other times is what will make my journey successful!

Have a blessed week.

Rain

Childhood innocence is a beautiful thing.  It has been raining like crazy for the past few weeks and frankly, I am sick of it.  I can't get my vegetables planted because the ground is just muck.  So today it decided to rain again (big shocker there).  We were all standing in the garage watching it start to sprinkle.  I told the kids they could ride their bikes as long as it just rained and didn't thunder or lighting.  They hesitantly rode out on the driveway, giggling and hunching down as the onslaught of rain grew stronger.  As they rode and realized this was fun, the bike paddles went faster.  They eventually abandoned the bikes and decided to just run through the grass and puddles.  The pure joy and laughter was such a blessing to see.  They ran, zigzagged, lunged, jumped, shrieked, screamed, laughed and had a blast.  At one point Lexie just stood with her arms outstretched with her face to the sky totally absorbed in the moment.  It was a precious thing to witness.  I realized that at one time in my life, I was that same little girl with my face turned to heaven as the water ran down my face as I reveled in a rainstorm.  It was a full circle moment.  After that, I was immediately thankful for the rain and the happiness it brought my children.  Our heavenly Father knows exactly what we need.  It's the simple things that matter the most in life!

Will I ever reach my goal?

Losing weight is hard!  I finally had someone tell me the other day, "You are looking great!"  I have been stuck at the same weight for a month.  With my hormone challenges, pcos and endometriosis, getting this weight off is going to be a long, slow process.  I am trying not to get discouraged when other women on the THM boards have lost twice as much as me in the same amount of time.  God makes us all unique and I know that it will come off eventually.

Here's my menu for today:

B- Coffee with cream and stevia, 2 pieces of sausage ( I got busy and forgot eggs lol!)
Sn- Fat Stripping Frappe
L- Spaghetti made with dreamfields pasta
sn- ginger lime water, coconut/lime pudding
D- Baked pork chops, kale chips, Greek salad
Desert- Skinny Chocolate

For exercise today I am going to walk and work in the garden.  I've also been chasing a toddler and 3 year old all day that I babysit.  That has GOT to burn some calories!!

Have a blessed day!

The Longing to be a Mama

I remember years ago when my husband and I were trying so hard to concieve and each year I had to endure the dreaded holiday:  Mother's Day.  Oh how I couldn't wait for that day to be over.  Our church has a tradition that the mom with the most kids present gets a gift and the oldest and the youngest mom get a gift and are recognized.  That was only three people so it wasn't so bad.  I remember one year very distinctly.  We had been trying to have a baby through countless rounds of fertility treatments and I was especially touchy on this particular Mother's Day.  It seemed like a year when there was a ton of new babies at church and motherhood was being celebrated everywhere.  Everywhere except my house.

To think that only three people would be recognized at Mother's Day was not too bad, until they also asked every mother to stand up and be recognized.  I felt sick and my heart sunk as row after row of women stood up.  I sat there mutely and like a stone.  I didn't dare glance around.  But I knew I was one of the very, very few women still seated.  I felt hot from the embarrassment that I was sitting and not standing.  I felt so ashamed.  If that wasn't bad enough to sit there, the applause started.  Endless clapping as I fought back tears for the very thing my heart desired: motherhood.  That elusive club that I longed to belong to.  I had to sit there and clap and put on a happy face and pretend all was right with the world.  You see, infertility is not talked about.  Everyone knew I was trying to have a baby, but no one really understood what I was going through.  Until you have faced infertility, you don't have a clue what it's like to long for a baby so hard it hurts.  It's a physical, mental and spiritual anguish.  To know that your body just can't do what millions of women do every day is gut wrenching.

 I'm so thankful that God has bottled all my tears over the years and heard my heart and listened to my pleas.  Because He did make me a mother.  Just not in the way I intended.  He heard my hearts desire to be a mother and he brought me and my husband two of the greatest kids ever.  Through adoption I get to stand up every Mother's Day and be recognized.  I get to have hugs and kisses every day, get the privilege of raising two wonderful kids.  Infertility still hurts immensely at times but to only focus on that would be to say I don't have faith in the Lord. To only focus on my infertility would mean I'm not thankful for my blessings!  God knows what I needed more than I do.  If I say that I trust Him and love Him, shouldn't I rest in His promises and know that He has it under control?  There is a reason I haven't conceived and may never.  One day I will know.  But for now I am busy raising a family that God weaved together with his own hands!

Weary

It's been a dreary, weary week.  The weather has been awful here in TN.  Rain, rain and more rain.  For the past 3 weekends, it has rained.  And not just a little rain, MAJOR rain!  So much rain that my flower beds are swampy.  I haven't been able to plant much in my garden and that is driving me crazy.  At times like this, I have to admit I get weak in spirit.  My diet has been off this week, my sleep and my attitude have all been affected from this never-ending rain.  Being inside so much makes me want to eat more.  *sigh*

I told ya it's been a weary week.

This is when staying on plan and continuing my weight loss journey is HARD.   I get overwhelmed with how much I still need to lose and just want to eat a stinking donut already!  When I think I'll still be trying to lose weight next May, I just want to cry. 

But what's the other alternative?  Being obese the rest of my life is no longer on my TO DO list.  I desire different things now so each and every day this week I have had to talk myself off the ledge, committ to staying on track 85% of the time and forgive myself for slip-ups.  I'll have a better attitude tomorrow :)  As soon as the SON shines, it's all good!

Do you have SON shine in your life mama? 

Spring has sprung!

Spring has finally arrived in TN and I couldn't be happier.  I'm finally seeing tiny leaves on the trees, butterflies, birds galore, lots of chirping and my spring flowers blooming like crazy!  I absolutely love this time of year!!!  It's so refreshing after a long winter to welcome spring with open arms.  It makes me so happy to soak up much needed vitamin D.  I think the whole house is just more pleasant when spring arrives. 

I made a goal a few weeks ago to be on plan and totally committed.  I'm reaching my goals and have exercised a few times this week and stayed on track eating wise.  I've been gardening, working in the yard and babysitting so I totally count that as part of my exercise.  It's a good feeling to be in a good groove.

I'm also down .8 from last week so my total loss is 23.8 lbs!  I'll take any loss, any time.  God is so good to me and my family!  Have a blessed week :)

A good week!

Making a plan and sticking to it has paid off!  I'm down a pound this week so that makes a total of 23 in about 5 months!  It's slow but steady progress.  I'll take it!  I also got some exercise in this week and made sure I ate a variety of meals on plan.  Making a commitment and sticking to it has been the key for my success this week.  I'm excited to see what next week holds!  I know it will take longer to get this weight off me, but I am confident that it will eventually come off!  At my rate of loss, I am well on my way to being 50 lbs down by Christmas.  That is exciting.  I won't be at goal, but I'll be closer than I am :)  I'm going to put some pictures up.  Me at Christmas and me a few weeks ago.  They aren't full body shots but I can tell a lot in my face already!

A Plan of action

I am absolutely in love with the Trim Healthy Mama plan!  I love eating gluten free and sugar free.  But let me be honest here for a minute.   Although I am glad for the 22 lbs I have lost in 4 months, I do know it could have been better.  I'll tell you why:  I haven't been 100% committed to the plan.  There have been weeks where I had two days where I ate awful.  I have always been able to get back on track but I feel yucky in the process.

Just tonight, I made myself a bowl of Edy's ice cream.  We had pizza last night (Little Caesars, gasp), and of course the kids wanted ice cream to go with it too.  So not only did I have ice cream last night with very carb heavy pizza, I also ate some more of it today. 

I know what you are thinking, "Why so hard on yourself mama?"  Well, here's the thing.  I'm on to something here.  I have found a way to eat that my body likes, I am losing weight and feeling good when I have my act together.  Being the idiot that I can sometimes be,  I don't want to mess that up.  See, I have lost weight before.  In fact, I have lost weight many times.  But I ALWAYS give up when the going gets tough.  It's different this time.  My mindset is different and I just feel different.  I'm READY this time to be healthy.  I'm READY to not be a plus sized adult. 

But I also know that if I continue with these little mishaps and excuses ("oh, a little pizza won't kill ya kinsey"), that I will lose momentum, interest and focus and be right back at the weight I was at Christmas.  So I need a plan.  A plan of action!

Tomorrow, I'm going to have my husband measure me.  I know, "eeeeeeek" right?  But I know I will be more accountable to myself if my hubby is measuring.  I will also step on the scale in front of him and record my weight.  I will give myself one month to be 100% dedicated to the THM plan.  No deviations!  If I miss dinners, parties, etc to stay on plan, so be it.  I owe it to myself to try. 

I will also come up with a plan to exercise.  See, I've been able to lose this weight by not doing much in the exercise department.  Wonder how I will do if I actually step it up a notch.  I think my main plan of activity will be walking, gardening, chasing toddlers I babysit, kettlebells and hand weights.  I think it's sufficient for me.  I am curious to see how I do and what I learn in this month long journey.  I know I have lots of months left before I reach a goal weight, but I want to commit to one solid on plan month for now!  I will record my progress each week and give final results at the end of the month, which will end two days before my 16th wedding anniversary!

Have a blessed week mamas!

Protecting their innocence

Today I was visiting an online site for moms and a lady was talking about having a conversation with an 11 year old that had come to her daughters sleepover.  This young lady was talking with the mom about seeing the movie Magic Mike.  I was flabbergasted as was the mom who was posting about it.  If you don't know what the movie is about, I haven't seen it but do know it's about male strippers, includes sexual scenes, nudity, cussing, etc.  I wouldn't even watch it and can't imagine an 11 year old talking about it nonchalantly.  This really disturbed me.  My daughter is 10 and 1/2.  I cherish her innocence.  She loves barbies, American girl, knitting, rollerblading, nature, etc.  I can not imagine her being exposed to such filth.  It makes me sick to my stomach that parents would let their kids watch whatever they want.

 Some say I shelter my kids too much.  I worry sometimes that I do too.  But then I think, "I answer only to God."  If we are on our knees putting our concerns in the Master's hands and He is in control of our lives, who has a right to judge my actions?  I want my kids to be aware of the world but not be part of the world.  I want to equip them with the right tools for success and a happy God filled life but I don't have to let them watch filth to accomplish that goal.  See I have these little treasures that God gave me.  I did not carry them in my womb, another lady did.  I was not there when they were born, another lady was.  I didn't get to be there when they crawled or even began to walk, another lady did.  But when he placed these two amazing kids in my arms to be their forever momma, I made a vow.  I would do my best to be the best for them, raise them right, love them always and one day see them give their hearts to Jesus.  My ultimate goal as a momma is to be with my family in Heaven!  To hear the words, "Well done, thy good and faithful servant."

A painful weekend

I had one of the worst weekends I've had personally in a long time.  My cycle finally arrived, yay!  Not having a cycle since October has had me worried.  With PCOS and endometriosis, I knew when it finally arrived it was going to be a doozy.  I had been cramping for about 2 weeks prior to starting and knew my endometriosis was flaring up.  There is just a pain I can't describe with having endo.  It's certainly not anything I would wish on my worst enemy.

Saturday, I went to the grocery store.  I woke up in a cranky mood and really wanted to stay home.  We had had a majorly busy week and I needed food.  Frankie was working so off I went with the kids.  I had no more gotten in the car then the cramping started.  I just figured it would go away like the other times in the last two weeks and ignored it and went on to town.

The pain just kept intensifying as I shopped.  By the time we got done and got in the car, I was nearly in tears.  It was a full blown endo flare up.  I just knew I had started.  You don't cramp like that for no good reason.  We had planned on doing other things in town but I just headed home in a pain filled fog.  I didn't have any ibuprofen with me so suffered until I got home.

Once I got home and realized I had started I knew I was in for some rough days. With PCOS I never know how my cycle is going to be.  Sometimes I can have a normal (well, normal to me) period and other times its like it was this weekend.  The bleeding started that afternoon and boy did I bleed.  I was soaking two pads in an hour.  All I could do was lay in bed and moan and cry.  Bless my husbands heart, he went to town, got me a heating pad and took such good care of me.  He knows how quickly my well-being deteriorates when it gets this bad.  We've been down too many roads of blood transfusions, hospital stays and surgeries.

When you are laying in bed and you have taken a 600 mg prescribed ibuprofen and it is not touching your cramps, satan loves to attack me.  "Look at how broken you are", "If God loved you, He would heal your body and you would be able to have babies."  I have to admit I wasn't strong this weekend and the devil absolutely whipped my tail!  When you are in so much pain you just want to rip out your uterus, nothing can console you.  I knew so many THM ladies on Facebook might have some suggestions for ways to help with my pain and bleeding.  I immediately started asking online for advice on how to deal with my pain.  Here are some things I did that helped me tremendously.

I made a lavender oil and peppermint oil salve using drops of each with coconut oil as the carrier and rubbed all over my tummy.  I soaked Castor oil in flannel and placed it over my lower abdomen and put the heating pad over this for 45 minutes.  I did this twice Sunday and slept like a baby pain free Sunday night.

I also bought some bilberry and red raspberry leaf tea.  Both are supposed to help with cramps.  I'll have these on hand for the next cycle.  I love ibuprofen but it makes my bleeding worse.

The biggest thing I did to help with bleeding was to start taking apple cider vinegar. I take 2 tsp in a glass of water 2-3 times a day.  I started doing this about a 2 years ago when I was researching ways to help slow my bleeding naturally.  You ever been to earthclinic?  It's a great resource for natural remedies.  I can and have bled for 60 days before, so I know if it goes past a week of heavy bleeding, it's too much.  The vinegar was a life saver.  It will slow my flow in two days and by day 3 or 4 I am almost completely done with my period.  It's a miracle cure drug!

You may be wondering why in the world I am devoting a whole post to my period.  Well, it's a part of me and every other woman I know.  As I am on this weight loss journey, I know that it's going to take a long time for my body to heal.  I thought eating lower carb/sugar free would make my cycles somewhat normal.  My body is more messed up than I thought.  I know God will heal my body.  He has given me a brain that loves to research and find natural remedies to help myself.  I will get there, eventually.  He's my anchor.  My rock.  I am nothing without Him.  And He says in His word, that I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

NOT BROKEN

Take that devil!

Revival is in the air!

What a busy, busy week I've had!  I have had the privilege of going to a town about 45 minutes from my house and hearing an awesome preacher C.T. Townsend from Asheville, NC this week.  We've been every night except Wednesday when we went to our church.  But being in revival this week and seeing at least 15 people give their hearts to Jesus has made me so excited for Easter.  Boy, do I love Easter!  I get so excited for it every year.  Its the BEST Christian holiday in my opinion.  If Jesus had never rose from the grave, I would have no hope today.  But Thank God, I have hope!!

I've been babysitting all week and tomorrow will keep a 13 month old, an 18 month old and a 3 year old.  All boys!  I will be wore out, I just know.  It's been tricky trying to figure out how to homeschool and keep kids occupied at the same time. I've been spoiled with my 9 and 10 year old children.  Today while one child was napping, I read the kids their history.  For this season in my life, I just have to fit it in where I can lol :)  I am so thankful for the extra money right now.  It is buying my groceries. 

I am settling into a THM groove.  I love all the food I eat and enjoy cooking thoroughly. I feel so good eating gluten free and sugar free.  I'm having to learn to pre-make things when I can since I'm so so busy during the day babysitting.  I am such a slow loser and I think I may be down a pound this week.  We shall see in the morning!  I am slowly re-reading the book again and letting it really sink in.  I also am on the facebook page way too much, but love giving and receiving wonderful advice from so many awesome people. 

I finally was able to order some supplements this week.  I have cod liver oil, inositol and vitex coming.  I'm hoping that I will finally have a period.  I know it may take several weeks, but I'm trying so hard to have a cycle naturally and not go to the doctor for medicine.  So I'm willing to wait as long as it takes to have a normal cycle.  I truly believe I will have one eventually ;)

Have a blessed weekend!

Oh and I'm going to try really hard to actually exercise next week.  I admit to doing absolutely nothing except chase small children around for the last month.  I will try and do better!

On a losing streak!

I completed a fuel cycle week this week and lost 3.8 lbs.  So that makes me officially at 19 lbs down since Christmas.  Some of the mamas on the Facebook page have lost so much more than me, but I am apparently a slow as Methuselah loser so I will still be trying to lose weight next march!  Thats OK, because for the first time in my life I have a plan for success.  The Trim Healthy Mama book is changing my life!  And the best part is I get to meet Pearl and Serene (the authors) tomorrow at a THM luncheon in Nashville.  I can't wait.  And of course stopping at Trader Joes will be the cherry on the cake. 

God has blessed my family recently.  I knew I would need to do something for extra income, whether it be get a job or babysit.  Every application I filled out or inquired about fizzled out.  I could never get peace about leaving my home at night and working.  God has called me to be a stay at home mom and I want to obey His will.  So I took a chance and put an ad on our local swap and shop about babysitting.  You would not believe the response!  So many calls and inquiries.  Now I have two little ones to keep part time which will bring in about 100 dollars a week.  I'm hoping to keep a few more but want to get my routine down with these two before I advertise for more.  I still have to homeschool my own and keep my house going.  I'll tell you one thing.  I forgot how busy 3 year olds are lol!  But so sweet too.  God is so good and worthy of my praise this morning!

My kids dressed up in cowboy gear. Notice my sons crooked shirt hahaha!

Date nights derail me!

So Saturday night my lovely parents kept all the grand-kids for an overnight stay, so my husband and I planned a date night.  I was so high from losing 2 lbs that week and I had been so good for so long that I decided to have a cheat meal.  BAD IDEA!  We went to a steakhouse and I already knew I was going to have a crossover meal with steak, veggies, salad and bread with butter.  I was fine with this decision.  After supper, we did some shopping and then my husband wanted to go to his favorite donut shop.  It's a local shop with cute retro stools to sit on and order some great donuts.  We don't go here often and I hated to deny him.   I knew I couldn't stand the temptation of going in to eat so we went through the drive-thru to get him some donuts.

Why didn't I listen to that inner voice that said, "McKinsey, you know that the minute you get home, you are going to have some of those donuts with a big glass of milk."  Of course I told my head that I am STRONG, I've had a great week, I've lost weight and I WILL NOT eat them.

I'm sorry to say I lost the battle with my head.  I DID eat those donuts that night.  And the next morning too.  Which then set me into a pattern of 2/3 on plan, 1/3 off for the next 4 days.  UGH!  I feel achy, puffy and bloated.  It's not that I'm worried that I have gained weight, cause I know once I get back on track, in two days I will be fine.  It's that I allowed those old patterns to emerge.  In thinking that I am strong enough to withstand these temptations,  I took my eyes off my goals.  That has cost me 5 days.  Which does more to hurt me mentally than physically.  I have such a looooong way to go that 5 days is a lot of time to be wishy washy.  I'm starting a fuel cycle in two days.  I have two days to get my act together and prepare.  Doing this with a great group of ladies has helped so much. 

I will continue to fight this war, but the battle is kicking my tail at the moment.

Finally!

After 4 weeks of up and down, up and down with the same two pounds, I have broken from that plateau and was down 2.4 lbs this morning. 

So that puts my official loss at 18 lbs since Christmas.  18 lbs I will never see again!!!

Thank you Lord!


I'm planning on joining several ladies online for a fuel cycle week which is a very clean version of eating the Trim Healthy Mama way.  In January when I did the fuel cycle week I lost 4.6 lbs but then I plateaued for several weeks!  Any loss is a loss in the right direction!

Have a blessed weekend Mamas!  Its snowing here in beautiful Tennessee, I have the fire going and good books to read.

Talking Myself off the Ledge

You know what I'm talking about.  That mental conversation we women have with ourselves every.single.day.  You see something in the store and you really want it so you have this conversation with yourself.  "I really want this."  "Yeah, but you haven't gotten groceries yet and money is tight this week."  "Yes, but I have plenty of stuff in the freezer and I can rearrange my menu and squeeze the 20 bucks I need to get this."  "Ok, but do you want all of your meals to be deer meat and pork, because that's what's in there."  hmmmm... of course I know that I will at that point tell my inner self no, so I can spend that 20 dollars on different meats for us to eat that week.

Here is a mental conversation I had with myself at Wal-Mart just yesterday.  I rarely buy donuts and as we were getting some fruits, my son looked at me and said, "Momma, can we have a donut, please?"  How can I tell that sweet little face no.  So the conversation I had with my head was, "Don't be such a mean mom!"  "But I don't need the temptation that that donut will bring."  "But your son, needs the calories, he's a bean pole."  "But even going over in that direction could unleash an uncontrollable monster who can't resist the chocolate covered eclairs."  "You're MEAN!"  "Yeah, I may be mean but I'm fighting for my health and I know one day I will eat a dang donut, but it's not gonna be today, so THERE!"

So I offered my son a yummy popsicle when we got home, he was satisfied and I was too as I ate my skinny chocolate later.   It's all about perspective and keeping it real with myself this week.  I've had to talk myself off the ledge more than once this week as temptation has reared its ugly head.  But for this week at least, I've been able to resist getting off track.  I'm thankful for that!

Momentum

I have a dream.  It's actually a life-long dream.  I want to one day run a 1/2 marathon.  I am by no means a runner.  I don't even jog.  The thing I do would be called a wog, which is half fast walk/shuffle jog!  It's quite embarrassing but it is what it is I guess.  Anyway, back to my dream.

Here's my vision.  It's a cool brisk morning as I get up in anticipation of race day.  I have breakfast, put on my race gear, warm my body up and head to the start.  I'm in a crowd of huge proportions.  See, if I ever make it to a race like this I want to get lost in a big crowd.  I want to just be "one" of the racers.  I feel the excitement of the moment.  People are chattering all around me.  Time stops for a second as I breathe in.  Then the sound of the horn.  Slowly people start running.  I join the throng.  As I move one foot in front of the other, I start to find a rhythm.  My muscles are getting warmed up and I am feeling good. 

Sounds like a good dream doesn't it?  I was raised to believe in dreams.  My parents taught me the value of hope.  Without it, we have nothing to live for.  What a sad state I would be in with out it.  In order to make my dreams a reality, I have to fight for my health.  Every. Single. Day.  I had a lot of momentum when I started my Trim Healthy Mama plan around Christmas.  I was on fire, loving the book, trying lots of recipes and having measurable success, feeling just like I would imagine feeling if I ever make it to that marathon.  Towards the end of January I got stuck.  Stuck at the same weight now for a month.  I have no one to blame but myself.  I feel like I am right in the middle of this race.  I am warmed up and have settled in, but now is where the true work begins.  Some things I have pondered on recently:

There is always going to be church dinner on Wednesday nights to deal with.  And the food is hardly ever low carb, gluten or sugar free.  It's up to me to fix something to bring for myself, instead of caving and living with the guilt.

There is always going to be family get-togethers where my mama thinks white flour and lard solves world problems.  It's up to me to bring something to share with everyone.

There is always going to be unexpected trips into town that turn into four hour trips with starving, whining children.  It's up to me to not stop at a drive through and have pre-planned snacks so I can just grab them and go.

Date nights are wonderful and dessert with my love should never be a guilt trip.  Practicing grace and forgiving myself are steps in the right direction.

You see, I am in a race right now.  A race I should have run years ago to reclaim my health.  Instead, I have let Satan whisper in my ear, "What's the use?"  "Go ahead, one more doughnut won't hurt you."  "You can't have children anyway, so why do you need to lose weight."  

Thank goodness for a loving Savior who despite all my shortcomings, loves me anyway.  I am worth the fight.  I deserve a healthy, strong body.  I deserve to run that race if I so choose to.  It's time I start acting like I deserve it!  So there, now that I have gotten that off my chest, here's what I had today to eat.

B:  apple cinnamon greek yogurt with smidgeon of walnuts- E
Sn: turkey roll-ups - FP
L: creamy cream-less angel hair cabbage and broccoli with 3 oz chicken breast- FP
Sn: lemon mousse pudding with squirt of ready whip
D:  Zuppa Toscano soup minus the potatoes, extra kale -S
Desert will probably be more lemon mousse, I love that stuff!

Have a blessed week!

Let the exercising begin!

It looks like my posts are getting fewer each week.  But I promise I am still eating the THM way!  I have had setbacks and been gaining and losing the same 2-3 lbs for 3 weeks.  Before I would have already given up and already gained back 10 pounds or more, but I am DETERMINED to win this war.  This is a battle to overcome, that's all!   I have joined several facebook groups for THM.  One group is the Turtles group which is for slow losers (which I am), another group is the fluffy THM group (for people that need to lose over 50 lbs) and then the general facebook group.  I feel like I need an intervention lol!  Hello, my name is McKinsey and I am addicted to all things THM!!!

I am slowly adding in more exercise.  I have learned that I am not ready for serious exercise.  With so much extra weight on my body, I'm doing good to get cardio, walking or a little resistance band work in.  I am not trying to kill myself and my poor body had two solid weeks of soreness from trying to do too much.  I'm fine being a little sore but when you can't even sit in a chair for grimacing in pain and yelping a little, that crosses the line for me :)

Currently I am planning my garden for spring planting and will make a seed order soon.  I love fresh veggies out of the garden!  I will definitely be growing some earth milk veggies and herbs this summer, yum!

Have a blessed week!  I'm hoping to post a loss for this week.  Fingers crossed!

My first Compliment

So this week has been pretty good!  We have had a great Valentines day.  I made the kids heart shaped Trim Healthy Pancakes.  Here's a picture of them.

The kids loved them so much. I have stayed very much on plan all week. I weighed this morning and was actually up three pounds from last time I weighed. I feel like I'm getting slimmer so it's really weird. A friend stopped by this afternoon and said it was starting to be noticeable that I am losing. That made me feel so good and was a boost I needed. We had pinto beans and cornbread for supper so I guess that was crossover. I also ate a few pieces of chocolate that my sweet husband bought me. It's a tradition and something we do every year so I enjoyed them and will be back on track tomorrow with fried eggs and bacon, yum!

We had fun doing lots of valentine activities today!

Settling in for a long haul

In my last post, I was really overwhelmed at some decisions I needed to make and some bad choices I had made food wise.  So here's what I can tell you:  I am still undecided about working and I have made lots of bad choices this past weekend food-wise.  Here's what I am going to do about it.

The decision to work is one that I know I need to make, but one that I really dread.  I want to be like a toddler and throw myself in the floor and scream and cry and beg God to give me what I want.  But that's my flesh talking and I just need to put my big girl panties on and deal with it.  How loving my God is to me.  Just yesterday when I was sitting in church and everyone was worshipping and praising the Lord, I was met with such peace in my heart that everything was going to be ok.  The bible says, "he careth for thee."  How I love my Savior!  I will probably get a job.  It will probably be in the evenings.  I'll miss out on some stuff.  I have a wonderful husband that will fill in.  Maybe the kids will appreciate me more :)  It will be OK!  I think I have been so resistant to change because the unknown is scary and I am very comfortable in my role as homemaker.  But I had a career at one time (eons ago it seems).  I can do it!  I'm not looking for a career at this time, but helping my hard working husband pay some bills is something  I can do. 

Moving on.

Let's get to the nitty gritty of my eating plan.  I absolutely love eating the Trim Healthy Mama way!  I know it is best for me.  The thing I have to figure out and I will, is that when I have other things come up suddenly that I'm not prepared for (like two birthday parties within 3 hours of each other), it's very hard to stay on track.  The two birthday parties I attended this weekend had NOTHING at all that was THM friendly.  I wasn't at home all day so I couldn't prepare ahead of time.  Failure to plan is a plan to fail.  I ate cake and white bread (eeeek!).  Sunday I felt yucky and completely forgot to eat breakfast.  My husband was sick so between caring for him, getting me and the kids ready and barely getting to church before it started, I realized I had only had coffee for breakfast!  I think I ate about six pieces of gum during service lol!  I was so hungry.  Thankfully I had put on a boston butt in the crock pot late Saturday night so came home and shredded it for BBQ.  I was hungry with in an hour of eating.  I think I snacked all day long and was still hungry when I went to bed.  Lesson learned:  Always eat breakfast!  It sets up the rest of your day. 

My exercise has been blah this past week.  I started out strong and did kettle bells on Monday, but honestly I was so sore for 4 days that I have been hesitant to do them again.  It's going to be 54 tomorrow, I think the kids and I will go for a nice long nature walk.  I liked doing the kettle bells, but maybe I am doing too much or am not quite ready for them.  Nothing should make you that sore.  Unless it's the SPEW workout.  After living through that one, I'm not anxious to revisit! 

I pray that your week is blessed and that you find comfort in the Comforter!

Where the rubber meets the road

Life throws some curve balls and boy has this week been one big one!  I'm facing going back to work to help us out on some major financial difficulties we are experiencing right now.  It is so not what I want to do.  But I can not justify staying home while we struggle so much financially.  I have a college degree and was a public school teacher in another lifetime before becoming a momma and staying home.  My hearts desire is to home school and we will just have to work our life around that goal.  I'm looking at maybe getting a night job so I can continue to school during the day.  Another option would be to babysit but I'm hesitant about that because I don't like being tied to the house.  My kids need to get out and go see friends, visit the library, etc...    'sigh', I can't get peace about any of it right now. 

I stress ate today, twice.  It's stressing me out to think about the junk I ate today.  I will pay for it tonight when I toss and turn from eating sugar.  And then I'll pay for it tomorrow when I feel hungover from wheat.  Honestly none of the food I ate was that great.  It's times like this when the enemy loves to whisper in my ear of what a failure I am.  But I won't listen.  I feel like I am at a crossroads.  I'm at the two month mark of eating this way and most diets I have attempted before, I am done about this time.  Life is about choices.  I've made so many bad choices in the way I eat and take care of my body.  I'm not willing to compromise any more.  My life depends on me staying on the right track.  I know that if I remain overweight and unhealthy, it's only a matter of time before disease and possibly cancer hit my future.  It's a sobering thought.  I really need to "gird up my loins" and prepare for battle!  My pastor says, "this is where the rubber meets the road", meaning, it's time to be serious.  Serious about my health,  my weight and my attitude.

Back on Track Monday

Getting away this weekend was so good for my soul.  As a full time stay at home momma who also home schools, my house can get on my nerves after awhile.  Living on one income is challenging.  Not always having money to do things is frustrating at times.  But the joy of being with my loves and helping to shape them into great people is a blessing that I don't take for granted.  But it is so nice to get away whenever we can.  Especially in the winter.  Escaping the doldrums of day in and day out routines is so refreshing.

I would like to say I did perfectly on my weekend, but I can't.   I did plan well, brought lots of THM food and hoped for the best.  What I didn't plan for is unexpected stops (five guys burger and fries) and a super bowl party at my moms.  Overall I think it was a successful weekend.  I brought lots of yummies (you can see it in my previous post), but most of it was S foods.  My tummy was hurting from all the fat laden foods.  I was literally craving a salad by Sunday.  It was a good trial run and I will be better prepared next time.  I ate bread this weekend and fries and totally ate off plan for 3 meals.  I felt puffy and achy from the wheat.  You know what I did this morning?  Got right back on track!  That is something I would have NEVER have done before.  I would have thought, "what's the use?"  I now see THM as a lifestyle, not a quick fix.  I have been heavy my whole adult life.  I expect it will take well over a year, maybe two to get this weight off.  I WILL do it.  One pound at a time! 

This morning I had my coffee with cream, and a Fat strippin frappe.  I ate a hard boiled egg after my workout.  I am officially in love with kettle bells.  They are stinkin hard! But I know it is effective.  I did one round of this workout (it was all I could do and my legs are like jello!)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6pDMOIlPLFE

I plan on drinking at least 2 if not 3 quarts of water today to flush out my body.  I feel so good drinking lots of water.

Lunch will be spicy Asian stir fry with chicken- fuel pull
Dinner will be baked pork chops, broccoli with butter and a big salad- S
Snacks will be nuts or a cheese stick

Happy Monday Fabulous Mommas!

Weekend Getaway

We planned a weekend getaway with the kids. We came to a fun place in Tennessee called pigeon forge. It's a touristy town but we love to come whenever we get a chance. We got a great room rate (45 a night) at a hotel that is independently owned. It has an indoor pool and free breakfast. A great thing with two young kids who eat a ton of food. Not so good for a trim healthy mama! The free breakfast consists of: biscuit, gravy, toast, bagels, cereal, oatmeal, fruit, muffins and all the juice, milk and coffee you can drink. What's a mama to do? Knowing that I had a mini fridge and microwave in my room, I packed some stuff to bring that is THM friendly. I brought some light white muffins with blueberries, homemade spicy pepperoni and raw cheese, nuts, Greek yogurt with all fruit jelly, peanut butter/apples, earthmilk, skinny chocolate, gluten free crackers/laughing cow cheese wedges, hardboiled eggs, heavy cream for coffee, just like Campbell's tomato soup, tons of water and a few other things. It's a S heavy menu but it's better than nothing. Here's some pics:

I will say that we took the kids to a dinner show and I did plan it for a cheat meal. We ate pork tenderloin, chicken, rolls, cranberry dressing, green beans, mac and cheese and berry cobbler for dessert. I ate it all except the cobbler. It was extremely sweet and thick. I didn't care for it at all. But the meal was delicious and I ate it guilt free. We took the kids swimming when we got back so I did get some cardio in! I was starving this morning so I enjoyed some muffins with coffee. I'm going to do my best for the rest of the day and tomorrow. I don't expect a loss but will be happy with no gain either. I'm learning its all about balance, plan as much as you can and just enjoy living!

One step forward, two steps back

Hormones=The Devil

So, I haven't had a period in four months.  Yes, you read that right, four months.  It is extremely annoying.  My body is so out of whack and I don't know what is going on with it.  I just knew that when I started eating better on the Trim Healthy Mama way, that I would get my period.  I don't eat sugar, I don't eat wheat.  I DON'T GET IT! 

What's even worse is that when I go through these spells, I have to take a pregnancy test to make sure I'm not pregnant before I think about taking something to induce a period. But I don't want to rely on synthetic, dangerous medications to make my body have a cycle.

Can I just say, UGH!!  How did a stupid little piece of plastic have the ability to reduce me to a squalling mess?  Of course it's always negative.  But I digress.

  I'm just fumbuzzled about my period or lack of.  I have pcos, endometriosis and I rarely go without a period.  I am the queen of 3,4,7 week periods.  I've had blood transfusions I've lost so much blood.  I've had to have a d&c because my lining was so thick (and that was after bleeding for 60 days).  So to go without is so confusing to me.

Until... I read the chapters on hormones.  Wow!  There is a wealth of information in those chapters.  Pearl did an amazing job of explaining my hormones to me.  I learned a lot about hormones when I went to the fertility doctors but I was so focused on getting pregnant, I never really listened to what they were saying.  Now I'm ready to listen.  And Pearl has made me stop, take notes and research. 

My husband is self-employed.  We have no health insurance, so it was great to learn I can get my hormones checked by an independent facility!  I'm saving my money as we speak.  I want a full hormone work-up.  I am ready to reclaim my health. 

I think I have estrogen dominance in my body.  I have several of the symptoms.  I ordered some progesterone cream to counter balance my excess estrogen.  Of course I don't know this for sure, but getting a blood work-up is not possible right now.  So I have been reading and writing and researching all day!  I feel excited and hopeful that I can finally figure out what is off in my body and fix it.  I have also made a list of supplements to start taking and will slowly add them to my diet as my budget allows. 

Tonight I take my first magnesium supplements ever.  I would like to get the magnesium oil, but will settle for the cheap stuff.  I'm also starting Vitamin C.  It's a start and any start is better than none. 

I feel ashamed that I have waited 35 years to really try and take care of my body.  God has blessed me so much and I have wasted years filling it full of junk, gaining weight and being obese, not exercising and basically not caring!  I'm so thankful that God's mercies are new every day.  Thank you Lord!

Results are in!

I have to say that I'm glad to have done the fuel cycle week with a group of amazing ladies.  What an encouragement they were, each cheering on the other with no motives and no competition.  It's refreshing to say the least!  I was so glad to have cream in my coffee this morning.  Oh cream, how I love thee...!
I actually did nothing physically to boost my weight loss efforts this week.  I honestly did not exercise one.single.day.  But I'm not proud of that fact.  I have made it a mission to get three days this week of some kind of exercise.  Here are some things I learned this week about eating the Trim Healthy Mama way.

1. I'm more fully aware of the styles of the plan.  What a true S (satisfying) meal is, E (energizing) and FP (fuel pull).  I know how to do the plan to make it successful for me.
2. I was eating way too much cheese!  I didn't realize how much cheese, cream cheese and cream I was eating.  Of course it is allowed but making my S meals so heavy probably contributed to my having so much trouble in the bathroom area.  I know, TMI!  Moving on.
3.I'm learning to listen to my body.  Am I truly hungry? Thirsty? Tired?  I had true hunger this week and it wasn't a bad thing.  True belly growling hunger.  Sometimes by eating so many S meals before, I was always satisfied and never got to feel true hunger.  Now I know to scale back my S meals and let my body get hungry.
4.I'm now ready to move on to the supplement area of the book.  I am not the type of person that can jump head first into a diet and just rearrange my life and do everything the book says to do all at once.  Talk about major burnout fast!  I view THM differently.  It is not a diet, in my opinion, but a way to eat forever.  I knew I had to get the eating down pat before I tackled exercise and supplements.  I am now ready to embrace both.
5. This book was an answer to many years of praying to God to help me shed this weight once and for all, but to also to reclaim my health.  I thank Him for answering my prayers.  I am ashamed to say that I have neglected my devotion time with God lately.  I had so immersed myself in the THM way that it was consuming my thoughts and actions.  It's not a bad thing to immerse in this exciting new way.  But it is bad when I neglect the One who answered my prayer about this exciting new way lol!  A little perspective is what I needed and I got that at church yesterday.  God is so good and His mercy endureth forever!

I am fearfully and wonderfully made, says the Lord.

I've learned much this week and when I woke this morning I was ready to step on that scale and see my results.

4.6 lbs!  Awesome results if you ask me :)  Thank you Lord!!!

This is me and my family at Christmas.  I am now 16.6 lbs less.  When I reach 30 lbs loss, I'll post a new picture.

It's an abcd..E...kind of day

Only one more day to go on my fuel cycle week.  I'm so curious to see if I have lost weight.  I've been tempted a few times to hop on that scale, but I think if I hopped on, it would give me that error message because I hopped and it's all sensitive, so then I would hop off and keep stepping on too quick and still get the error message and then I might get all mad and throw the scale and think ugly thoughts so for now I guess I better wait!  On Monday, I will gently step on my scale and hopefully get to do a little dance.  Do you ever do a scale dance?  You know what I'm talking about.  Just a a little dance to celebrate where you hear that pretend music or applause in your head when you see a smaller number than the previous week.  Yeah, that's fun to do :)  I'm shooting for 3 lbs gone.

I was ever so glad to switch to an E day.  A day with some healthy carbs to fuel my body.  I started out with the THM pancake recipe.  I topped it with greek yogurt and strawberries.  It was really good!  The only drawback to that is that within an hour, I was was starting to feel weak like my blood sugar was dropping. So I whipped up a FS frappe and had that for a snack. We went to town and it had been a few hours since I had ate and I was HUNGRY!  Not just a little, but my belly was really growling.  We went to Subway and I had the turkey on wheat with tons of veggies, a little lite mayo and brown mustard. It was just what I needed.  After an hour of running around, I was wore out!  Put a fork in me done.  I had no energy at all.  This week has really took a toll on my energy levels.  A lot of the ladies have reported that they have felt OK and I'm thinking, "what's wrong with me that I can't form a complete sentence and want to take a nap?"
We are all different I guess.  I think too that because I have a lot of weight to lose, maybe my body needed more than what I was giving it.  I'll write more on my observations tomorrow.

Last Fuel Pull Day, Woohoo!

So my fuel cycle week has been pretty good so far.  I have had some brain fog and low energy today.  I ate the cookie bowl oatmeal for breakfast and realized that I really need protein to start out my day.  I got the weak trembles.  For lunch I had the cajun cottage cheese salad and a 1/2 fs frappe with coffee.  I was very satisfied and my energy levels came up.  I am curious to see the results on Monday.  I haven't even went near the scales.  It hasn't even been that hard.  I know when I do the cycle again in 6 weeks or so, I will plan for protein at every meal.  Exercise has been out for me this week as my energy just hasn't been there in the last few days. 

Here's a picture of my lunch today.  It was very good and filling!

For supper I tried the cream less creamy sauce with angel hair cabbage and a small piece of cube steak that had been cooking in the crockpot all day. It was mmmmmmm good!

It's a Fuel Pull day

Today is day four of my fuel cycle week.  It's been an interesting week so far.  I'm really glad I did it but am definitely noticing a difference in my energy level today compared to yesterday.  Yesterday was all about healthy fats and today is about high nutrition with very little fat or carbs.  This morning I made an egg white omelet with 1 tsp. coconut oil, turkey deli meat and a tiny bit of raw cheddar.  I then had my coffee with a little almond milk instead of cream.  All I can say is, GROSS!  I didn't care for the omelet and I did NOT like my coffee with almond milk.  After breakfast I was cleaning the kitchen and getting the kids started on their schoolwork and it hit me.  I got woozy, weak and light headed.  My body was not happy with the food I gave it, so I made a big boy smoothie and sipped on it for the next hour.

I knew that I was going to my sisters for lunch, so I packed up what I needed to make fotato soup and out the door I went.  I made the soup at my sisters, with a bit of chicken and turkey bacon bits in it for lunch and it was very yummy!  I had to go to town and get a few things at the store.  At this point it had been 2 hours since lunch and I started to get a little woozy at the grocery store.  It really hit home that this is why I have hated diets my whole life, that feeling of deprivation is awful.  But I know that these two days will be over so quick and it's good for my body to cleanse.  When I got home, I ate some greek yogurt with fruit jam on top.  That was super good! And I also drank a big glass of earth milk.  This second batch is better than the first. 

For supper, I am going to attempt the Asian stir fry recipe with konjac noodles.  I hope I can  make it a success! 

Here's a snack I made this morning and they are smack your momma good if I do say so myself:

Mouth Watering Meringues
I love how they just melt and crunch in your mouth.  SO.MUCH.FUN!

Fuel cycle week

Well day 2 is down of my fuel cycle week. It's been going really well so far, except for one thing...I'm having major trouble in the bathroom department. I know, I know, TMI, but still you would think scaling back dairy, cheese, etc and piling on the veggies (raw and cooked), salads, earthmilk, olive oil, coconut oil and lots of butter and at least three quarts of water a day would make my body BEG to go to the bathroom. But, no that is not the case. So today I broke down and took some milk of magnesia. Yep, that did the trick!

I'm really enjoying my deep S days and I'm a little leery of my upcoming fuel pull days. I can imagine myself pouring salt on my hand and gnawing on it for awhile lol! I have a lot planned to eat so I'm hoping it will all work out. Well anyway, here's my menu for tomorrow.
B: whey smoothie with 1 T of coconut oil
Sn: the rest of my earth milk( about a quart)
L: grilled chicken, raw veggies and a little raw cheese
Sn: fat stripping frappe
D: deer tenderloin, big salad
Dessert: skinny chocolate


We had a discussion today on the Facebook THM group about jars and our obsession with them. I LOVE jars! I put tons of stuff into them. Here's some pictures of my lovely jars.

Fuel cycle begins

Well it began today. The fuel cycle week. If you don't know what that is, it's a stricter version of the trim healthy mama eating plan, scaling back the luxuries like cheeses, nuts, nut butters, avocados, grains, etc. There is still plenty to eat and a wide variety but the focus this week is on pure nourishment. So today went well. I ate everything I had planned for. I tried earth milk for the first time and actually had two glasses today. By the second glass after lunch, my tummy was doing some major rumbling. Nothing has hit me yet, but I'm sure by tomorrow I will be detoxing big time :)

My menu for tomorrow is:
B- sausage, eggs fried in butter, coffee with a bit if heavy cream
L- salmon cooked in garlic butter, salad
D- grilled steak, roasted Brussel sprouts
Snacks will be earth milk and raw veggies with raw cheese and tummy tucking ice cream for dessert.

Here's a pic of my lunch today. A grilled chicken Greek salad. So good!

Temptation right and left

This post is going to be about temptation. It's everywhere! The other night I really, really wanted some good ole salty chips. I thought about them for hours. I didn't give in and had an apple with a little peanut butter instead. I'm trying to learn new habits and that takes a lot of work. I'm nearing my 6 week mark of eating the trim healthy mama way and it seems that every day this week I have been tempted in one way or another.

This morning my husband took the kids with him, thus leaving me to have a leisure day. Because I didn't have my crew to cook for, I got up and made my coffee, turned around and saw it. A big jar of homemade chocolate chip cookies. My husband forgot to take them with him and they just beckoned me to them. Before I knew what I was doing, I had three of them eaten with my coffee. They were delish! I almost let myself get in a bad spot mentally and really beat myself up but I refused. It is what it is. I am still on a path to be a trim healthy mama. I did better for the rest of the day but did have a few more tonight. I know that tomorrow I will have a yummy breakfast of bacon and eggs and be back on track. I know that next week I will do the fuel cycle with a group of ladies and hopefully lose a few more pounds. I know that I will continue on this track until I get this weight off me once and for all.

I'm going to mess up, this I know to be true. But for the first time in my life, it doesn't terrify me to mess up. It's life. Life is messy and complicated and beautiful and worth living well. I will get there. One day at a time!

Oh and I did lose a pound this week so I'm down 12 now. Have a blessed weekend!

My sweet son and me this fall.