Will I ever reach my goal?

Losing weight is hard!  I finally had someone tell me the other day, "You are looking great!"  I have been stuck at the same weight for a month.  With my hormone challenges, pcos and endometriosis, getting this weight off is going to be a long, slow process.  I am trying not to get discouraged when other women on the THM boards have lost twice as much as me in the same amount of time.  God makes us all unique and I know that it will come off eventually.

Here's my menu for today:

B- Coffee with cream and stevia, 2 pieces of sausage ( I got busy and forgot eggs lol!)
Sn- Fat Stripping Frappe
L- Spaghetti made with dreamfields pasta
sn- ginger lime water, coconut/lime pudding
D- Baked pork chops, kale chips, Greek salad
Desert- Skinny Chocolate

For exercise today I am going to walk and work in the garden.  I've also been chasing a toddler and 3 year old all day that I babysit.  That has GOT to burn some calories!!

Have a blessed day!

The Longing to be a Mama

I remember years ago when my husband and I were trying so hard to concieve and each year I had to endure the dreaded holiday:  Mother's Day.  Oh how I couldn't wait for that day to be over.  Our church has a tradition that the mom with the most kids present gets a gift and the oldest and the youngest mom get a gift and are recognized.  That was only three people so it wasn't so bad.  I remember one year very distinctly.  We had been trying to have a baby through countless rounds of fertility treatments and I was especially touchy on this particular Mother's Day.  It seemed like a year when there was a ton of new babies at church and motherhood was being celebrated everywhere.  Everywhere except my house.

To think that only three people would be recognized at Mother's Day was not too bad, until they also asked every mother to stand up and be recognized.  I felt sick and my heart sunk as row after row of women stood up.  I sat there mutely and like a stone.  I didn't dare glance around.  But I knew I was one of the very, very few women still seated.  I felt hot from the embarrassment that I was sitting and not standing.  I felt so ashamed.  If that wasn't bad enough to sit there, the applause started.  Endless clapping as I fought back tears for the very thing my heart desired: motherhood.  That elusive club that I longed to belong to.  I had to sit there and clap and put on a happy face and pretend all was right with the world.  You see, infertility is not talked about.  Everyone knew I was trying to have a baby, but no one really understood what I was going through.  Until you have faced infertility, you don't have a clue what it's like to long for a baby so hard it hurts.  It's a physical, mental and spiritual anguish.  To know that your body just can't do what millions of women do every day is gut wrenching.

 I'm so thankful that God has bottled all my tears over the years and heard my heart and listened to my pleas.  Because He did make me a mother.  Just not in the way I intended.  He heard my hearts desire to be a mother and he brought me and my husband two of the greatest kids ever.  Through adoption I get to stand up every Mother's Day and be recognized.  I get to have hugs and kisses every day, get the privilege of raising two wonderful kids.  Infertility still hurts immensely at times but to only focus on that would be to say I don't have faith in the Lord. To only focus on my infertility would mean I'm not thankful for my blessings!  God knows what I needed more than I do.  If I say that I trust Him and love Him, shouldn't I rest in His promises and know that He has it under control?  There is a reason I haven't conceived and may never.  One day I will know.  But for now I am busy raising a family that God weaved together with his own hands!

Weary

It's been a dreary, weary week.  The weather has been awful here in TN.  Rain, rain and more rain.  For the past 3 weekends, it has rained.  And not just a little rain, MAJOR rain!  So much rain that my flower beds are swampy.  I haven't been able to plant much in my garden and that is driving me crazy.  At times like this, I have to admit I get weak in spirit.  My diet has been off this week, my sleep and my attitude have all been affected from this never-ending rain.  Being inside so much makes me want to eat more.  *sigh*

I told ya it's been a weary week.

This is when staying on plan and continuing my weight loss journey is HARD.   I get overwhelmed with how much I still need to lose and just want to eat a stinking donut already!  When I think I'll still be trying to lose weight next May, I just want to cry. 

But what's the other alternative?  Being obese the rest of my life is no longer on my TO DO list.  I desire different things now so each and every day this week I have had to talk myself off the ledge, committ to staying on track 85% of the time and forgive myself for slip-ups.  I'll have a better attitude tomorrow :)  As soon as the SON shines, it's all good!

Do you have SON shine in your life mama? 

Spring has sprung!

Spring has finally arrived in TN and I couldn't be happier.  I'm finally seeing tiny leaves on the trees, butterflies, birds galore, lots of chirping and my spring flowers blooming like crazy!  I absolutely love this time of year!!!  It's so refreshing after a long winter to welcome spring with open arms.  It makes me so happy to soak up much needed vitamin D.  I think the whole house is just more pleasant when spring arrives. 

I made a goal a few weeks ago to be on plan and totally committed.  I'm reaching my goals and have exercised a few times this week and stayed on track eating wise.  I've been gardening, working in the yard and babysitting so I totally count that as part of my exercise.  It's a good feeling to be in a good groove.

I'm also down .8 from last week so my total loss is 23.8 lbs!  I'll take any loss, any time.  God is so good to me and my family!  Have a blessed week :)

A good week!

Making a plan and sticking to it has paid off!  I'm down a pound this week so that makes a total of 23 in about 5 months!  It's slow but steady progress.  I'll take it!  I also got some exercise in this week and made sure I ate a variety of meals on plan.  Making a commitment and sticking to it has been the key for my success this week.  I'm excited to see what next week holds!  I know it will take longer to get this weight off me, but I am confident that it will eventually come off!  At my rate of loss, I am well on my way to being 50 lbs down by Christmas.  That is exciting.  I won't be at goal, but I'll be closer than I am :)  I'm going to put some pictures up.  Me at Christmas and me a few weeks ago.  They aren't full body shots but I can tell a lot in my face already!

A Plan of action

I am absolutely in love with the Trim Healthy Mama plan!  I love eating gluten free and sugar free.  But let me be honest here for a minute.   Although I am glad for the 22 lbs I have lost in 4 months, I do know it could have been better.  I'll tell you why:  I haven't been 100% committed to the plan.  There have been weeks where I had two days where I ate awful.  I have always been able to get back on track but I feel yucky in the process.

Just tonight, I made myself a bowl of Edy's ice cream.  We had pizza last night (Little Caesars, gasp), and of course the kids wanted ice cream to go with it too.  So not only did I have ice cream last night with very carb heavy pizza, I also ate some more of it today. 

I know what you are thinking, "Why so hard on yourself mama?"  Well, here's the thing.  I'm on to something here.  I have found a way to eat that my body likes, I am losing weight and feeling good when I have my act together.  Being the idiot that I can sometimes be,  I don't want to mess that up.  See, I have lost weight before.  In fact, I have lost weight many times.  But I ALWAYS give up when the going gets tough.  It's different this time.  My mindset is different and I just feel different.  I'm READY this time to be healthy.  I'm READY to not be a plus sized adult. 

But I also know that if I continue with these little mishaps and excuses ("oh, a little pizza won't kill ya kinsey"), that I will lose momentum, interest and focus and be right back at the weight I was at Christmas.  So I need a plan.  A plan of action!

Tomorrow, I'm going to have my husband measure me.  I know, "eeeeeeek" right?  But I know I will be more accountable to myself if my hubby is measuring.  I will also step on the scale in front of him and record my weight.  I will give myself one month to be 100% dedicated to the THM plan.  No deviations!  If I miss dinners, parties, etc to stay on plan, so be it.  I owe it to myself to try. 

I will also come up with a plan to exercise.  See, I've been able to lose this weight by not doing much in the exercise department.  Wonder how I will do if I actually step it up a notch.  I think my main plan of activity will be walking, gardening, chasing toddlers I babysit, kettlebells and hand weights.  I think it's sufficient for me.  I am curious to see how I do and what I learn in this month long journey.  I know I have lots of months left before I reach a goal weight, but I want to commit to one solid on plan month for now!  I will record my progress each week and give final results at the end of the month, which will end two days before my 16th wedding anniversary!

Have a blessed week mamas!

Protecting their innocence

Today I was visiting an online site for moms and a lady was talking about having a conversation with an 11 year old that had come to her daughters sleepover.  This young lady was talking with the mom about seeing the movie Magic Mike.  I was flabbergasted as was the mom who was posting about it.  If you don't know what the movie is about, I haven't seen it but do know it's about male strippers, includes sexual scenes, nudity, cussing, etc.  I wouldn't even watch it and can't imagine an 11 year old talking about it nonchalantly.  This really disturbed me.  My daughter is 10 and 1/2.  I cherish her innocence.  She loves barbies, American girl, knitting, rollerblading, nature, etc.  I can not imagine her being exposed to such filth.  It makes me sick to my stomach that parents would let their kids watch whatever they want.

 Some say I shelter my kids too much.  I worry sometimes that I do too.  But then I think, "I answer only to God."  If we are on our knees putting our concerns in the Master's hands and He is in control of our lives, who has a right to judge my actions?  I want my kids to be aware of the world but not be part of the world.  I want to equip them with the right tools for success and a happy God filled life but I don't have to let them watch filth to accomplish that goal.  See I have these little treasures that God gave me.  I did not carry them in my womb, another lady did.  I was not there when they were born, another lady was.  I didn't get to be there when they crawled or even began to walk, another lady did.  But when he placed these two amazing kids in my arms to be their forever momma, I made a vow.  I would do my best to be the best for them, raise them right, love them always and one day see them give their hearts to Jesus.  My ultimate goal as a momma is to be with my family in Heaven!  To hear the words, "Well done, thy good and faithful servant."